Malapropisms

A malapropism is an accidentally inappropriate (usually that means 'humorous') choice, omission, or alteration of words. The best known practicioner is perhaps Yogi Berra, who elevated the practice to a high art, and is well represented here.

It's deja vu all over again.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

You couldn't keep a conversation going. Everyone was talking too much.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it.

I really didn't say everything I said.

Toots Shor's restaurant is so crowded nobody goes there anymore.

It ain't over till it's over.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

You can observe a lot just by watching.

After seeing a Steve McQueen movie: He must have made that before he died.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.

When asked what time was it.  You mean now?

It gets late early out there.

Mr. and Mrs Randall Stumpert request your presents at the marriage of their daughter

My car sustained no damage in the accident, and the other car had even less.

Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead

An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

At least half their customers who fly to New York come by plane.

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

The congressman stayed after the town meeting and discussed the high cost of living with several women.

The conviction carries a penalty of one to ten years in Alabama

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

There were only three other people in the restaurant, and half of them were waiters.

No one heard him laugh like that since his wife died

That man is a real charmer, a regular Don Coyote.

Reverend Hammond was congratulated on being able to get his parish plastered.

She held out her hand. The young man took it and left.

She never talks to strangers unless they're friends

She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

Shhhh! I hear footprints

If his father was alive today he'd be turning over in his grave.

I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong..

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. Past tense means you used to be nervous.

The police reported that the victem suffered at least two broken legs

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

He sent the package by partial post.